12 Things Your Guests DGAFF About

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Transcript and Notes

Hello lovely humans!!! Today we are going to talk about 12 things that your guests don't give a flying fart in Space in about. The whole reason that you're getting married is because you want to spend the rest of your life together and the whole reason that you're having a wedding is because you want to celebrate that story. And you also want to share that story with all of your close family and friends. That means for most people throwing the best party you've ever thrown in your entire life. However, there are certain areas that a lot of people tend to go overboard in. One of them. I definitely went overboard in at least three of these areas, if not more, I'm not saying that you can't not do these things, but I am saying that your guests don't care at all about any of the items I'm about to list off.

1. Invitations

Sorry, number one, your invitations. I mean, you have this great moment where they open the envelope and they see it and it's beautiful and some people they throw it up on their fridge for a little bit but most people the invitation goes straight to the trash. I've been there where I've seen an invitation for a wedding and thought oh my gosh, this is so pretty. Oh they did such a great job. Okay, I RSVP there, trash and see what I do for a living like you'd think that it hang on to this a little bit longer. I don't, I don't think the trash just like everybody else's do.

2. Programs

Number two programs. Like, why? Why I mean, you don't need to give people an outline of events and you don't need to have it printed and set out at every single seat. It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of money. You have to design them and print them someone has to set them out. It's a lot of steps for something that someone may clutch onto for five minutes. So they have to avoid conversation with the person sitting next to them. But it's really not going to provide them with a whole lot of real information they're going to remember for the rest of the day. And again, that piece of paper goes straight into the trash. So is it really worth it. Probalbly Not.

3. Escort Cards (or Place Cards) 

Number three escort cards. Nobody cares. They don't that no one cares about escort cards specifically. And while it is really cool and really unique and really intentional to have a calligrapher hand, do each and every escort card and have these cute little placeholders at everyone's seats no one will walk home. Well, no one will walk home from your event but no one will leave your event going. Those were the most beautiful place cards I've ever seen. I never seen such beautiful place cards. That's likely not going to happen unless they're engraved with gold. Or they're, you know, painted on the butterfly's wings. You're gonna have to go really, really far I don't wait for escort cards to leave any sort of a lasting impact. Instead, what you can do is make a really really large seating chart that guests can refer to throughout the evening to try to figure out where they're going. Same can be said of the program if you want to do those two things affect it. I mean, I recommend that you do a seating chart, but escort cards are definitely definitely not a thing that you need to be worried about. Just do a big seating chart and it'll be a lot easier.

4. Guestbooks

Number four guest book. I know I know. Don't get mad, but it's true. And you could probably ask a lot of your friends that have gotten married recently. Ask them how full the guest book is. Though that's like mine or most the wedding's that I happen to work. It's gonna be over halfway full. This is a superduper traditional thing that we have done for I don't know how long, but a lot of times unless you put the guestbook in front of someone's face, they're not going to sign it. And you're going to leave with a half filled book that you may or may not want to put on your coffee table and you may or may not look at some time in the future. Sure if it has photos in it. If it's from a photo booth or something printed with your engagement photos from beforehand, that'll be something you'll look back on a little bit more than just a book with a bunch of signatures. I mean, think about it. How often do you look at your old yearbooks? Never this thing in sixth grade was bad. I don't I don't go back on that. No, no, no. So guestbook. I mean, maybe but nobody signs it. And then no one looks at it. Somaybe don't do it.

5. Linens

Number five, linens. Nobody cares about linens. It's not going to make a lasting impact on what their view of your wedding day. Is. Unless they are Sequent tablecloths on absolutely every table that maybe half the guests will notice. It's really not worth it. Just stick with the traditional white. Go floor length don't go shorter than floor length, because it just looks tacky to see table legs, but go with the traditional white or ivory or maybe do a soft color. But stick with the base price ones because it's really really not worth it and makes no lasting effect on your wedding day and guests are going to walk away again, like they would with butterfly painted escort cards. They're not going to walk away with some sort of lasting thought about what your linens look like. Save the money save the time. It's not worth it.

6. First Dance

Number six, first dance. Okay. Let me qualify this for just a sec. It's not that your guests don't care about the first dance because watching you to dance for the very first time is something really precious. And I actually probably cry at almost every single first dance that I witness. I'm a goob about first dances, I love them. What guests don't care about however, is it it's choreographed or if it's the full song, so don't stress about it. Don't spend months practicing with some Latin ballroom dance. Teacher in shoes that make you want to shoot yourself. Just get out there and sway back and forth for half the song and smile and let people celebrate in that with you. It doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need to be practiced. Just be you.

7. Slideshows

Number seven slideshows. Honestly, after sitting through three to five toasts. The last thing that a guest wants to do is sit through a five to 10 minutes slideshow. It's just not interesting for them or it's just more important to you that it is to them. And there may be special moments throughout the slideshow that capture their attention. But if they've already been sitting through 20 plus minutes of speeches and you want to tack on another 10 minutes, that's a lot to expect of a guest who's just anxious for the party to get going. So keep that in mind when you start to put all those photos together. Maybe do a section where you have a bunch of childhood photos that people can go peruse if they choose to. Or if you really want to do a slideshow setup slideshow area that guests can go visit if they're interested. But don't make everybody sit through a 10 minute long slideshow that has pictures for both of you from infancy to awkward adolescence to when you met each other and dating. It's beautiful. It's great. It celebrates your love story, but your guests are bored. Get them on the dance floor.

8. Open Seats

Number eight open seats. Don't do open seating. It's awful, because then they have to figure out who they're sitting next to. And let's say they get a group of five at a table of eight and then also there's three chairs leftover who's gonna sit there? Is there a special group of three that's just going to happen to be able to converse with this group of five and they're going to create a perfect even Group of Eight. Probably not going to happen. We worked an event once where there was open seating and I won't do it again. I will not do it again. Because there was this poor family of six. It was a mom, a dad and six kids and some of them were so young that they shouldn't be left at another table. But they're too old to be sitting on their parent's laps. So we needed a specific table just for them. We talked to the venue we talked to the bride they're going to charge an additional fee. We put one together it didn't have centerpiece and the linens didn't match. We put a table together, turned to go get them turned back around and someone else had already filled up the table with five people. Great, awesome. Okay, so then we had to put together a second table again with the wrong linen, no centerpiece additional charge to the bride and groom and I had to have an assistant camp out at that table to make sure that that family got there and no one else jack there seats. open seating is like anxiety in a bucket. If that's such a thing. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? It's causes people to freak out and get all sweaty about who they're going to sit next to. Guests don't like open seating they don't care about it. Give them a seat, maybe not a specific one, but give them a table. It's going to make everything go so much more smoothly.

9. Cake

Number nine cake. Guests don't care about a seven tiered cake. They just don't in fact, guests would prefer to have dessert table with a bunch of dessert options instead of a seven tier cake that has found it on the outside of that tastes like the bottom of someone's shoe. And no offense to anyone who actually enjoys the taste of fondant but I haven't met anybody who does. It is like a weird combination of rubber and gum and it has like a sugar Enos to it but nobody actually enjoys that. instead opt for something like a dessert table that has three to five desserts something chocolatey something sweet something with berries in it of lemon bar, I don't know. Go for more of a dessert table that guests will actually be excited about and invested in because then you're more likely to please all these different tastes instead of this giant monstrosity of a gorgeous gorgeous wedding cake that most people won't eat. I'm not gay person. i You probably won't see me eating cake at your wedding day one because I'm working and that would be tacky. And two because I don't like cake. So instead, go for something more of a dessert table and that will be sure to take a lot more fancies.

10. Bouquet Toss

Number 10 bouquet toss. You don't have to do one especially if you're feeling awkward or uncomfortable or on the fence about it. No one will leave your event going man we didn't do bouquet toss that was awful. I'm so bummed out. They let us just keep dancing on the dance floor and bugging and their DJ was so great. And you just want to dance instead of stopping for bouquet toss for all of the single ladies get to parade out there and show their singleness to the world. It's like Singles Awareness Day, but for a bunch of eyes to see. This is great. No, nobody cares. You don't need to do bouquet toss or garter toss. For that matter too. If it makes you uncomfortable. It makes your fiance uncomfortable. Honestly, no one will miss it and no one will be upset that you didn't do it.

11. Wedding Favors

Number 11 wedding favors. If I had a nickel for every event that I worked that there were a bunch of favors leftover afterwards. I would have a nickel for every event. That I've worked. I cannot tell you how often this happens. A bride and a groom will go out of their way and create something really sweet, really cute handmade artists in blah blah blah and get it all put together and put the H seat or put a table before the guests leave. And there are a ton left over at the end of the night. In fact, if I can find the footage, I will insert some footage here for a moment that we worked recently where the bride had a bunch of succulents and had them at each place setting with people's name tags in them for them to take and they still left a ton of them at the end of the night when I tell you that people need favors.
Look at all of these favors. Now I know people are still on the dance floor and they may come back for them but likely they're not going to favor. Favor favor favor favor. Favor. Favor.


Honestly people are not gonna come back I may or may not have like five of them in my house now. But most people forget them. They just do. And so you spend all of your time making this sweet, intentional artisanal gift to give to everyone. And a lot of them get left behind and that sucks. So instead if you really really feel like doing something you can leave a little tag at each place setting saying it we were favours we decided to donate to bla bla bla bla bla bla bla and who was your favorite charity or skip it altogether? Because again, most guests won't leave your event going. Oh, I didn't find any favorites. Did you find any favorites? I'm mad. It's not gonna happen. They're not it's no. People forget them. People are not aware of them. So put your time and energy elsewhere.

12. Grand Exits

Number 12 grand exit. Guests are not invested in the grand exit what they're invested in is you guys. So when it comes to whether you want to use sparklers or bubbles or ribbons, a guest don't care about the grand exit. They don't care about lining up. They don't care about having the photographer's yell at them to smile and wave. What they care about is you guys so don't stress about those details. It's just not worth it. There are plenty of other areas that you can invest your time, energy, money, blood, sweat and tears into other than these 12 items that most people aren't going to care about.

So there you have it. 12 things that your guests don't give a flying Spartan space about. You're welcome. No but really spend your time energy, money, everything blood, sweat and tears elsewhere because at the end of the day, these 12 items really don't build up your love story and they don't make for an amazing or epic guest experience. They're just extras. So instead focus your time, money and my energy, your time and money energy elsewhere. I don't know what is wrong with me. People you know come to me for advice and I use words like Mukherjee I'm an embarrassing human.


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(Mom and Daughter interacting)

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